This week my friend Kate is taking over the blog. I haven’t known Kate long, but in the short time I’ve known her we have talked a lot, and I’ve come to now her as a strong, caring, independent woman who keeps striving for her dream. She has been kind enough to share one experience that has affected her mental health. Please share your thoughts in the comments below, we’d love to hear from you.
Here’s Kate’s experience.
Once you’ve said it you can’t ever take it back!
I was a child when someone said that to me, I can’t remember who said it but it’s something that has stuck with me ever since.
15 years ago I remember, clear as day, something that was said to me probably quite innocently and without thought of the impact. The impact on me going forward has been quite big and changed the way that I see myself and how I think others view me.
It was from my boyfriend at the time and we’d had a couple glassss of wine, I’d put on some weight since we first met and I asked him “if you saw me in a club now, would you fancy me?” He said (quickly) “NO” followed by “but it’s ok, as now I know you and love you”. I guess his follow up comment was supposed to make up for the no and make me feel better – it didn’t.
I never forgot what he said, ever. I was too afraid to talk to him about it ever again as I didn’t want him to know how much it hurt me . Nothing he could have said would have changed that comment from being out there.
It made me feel unattractive and invisible. I’d once spent ages getting ready to go out, choosing an outfit, doing my hair and makeup but it made me not care as no one would look at me anyway. So something that was said from someone who loved me hurt so much, without them ever realising.
It made me very conscious of what I might say to someone else or even the manner of how something I might say. I wouldn’t ever want to think that someone felt like I did from something that I had flipently said.
It amazes me how some people say things to my face that they must clearly know would hurt me! This actually happens to me all the time, from work colleagues, friends and family – it makes me think – how can they do that? How can people say things that hurt others and not think twice about it? I wish I was more confident to pull people up on it but I never do, I’m too scared to create a situation or argument but I constantly beat myself up about it. Maybe I shouldn’t take these things to heart – get a thicker skin but I always come back to the same – BUT why say it, as once you’ve said it, you can’t take it back!